Megatron Runs For President
by Predacon Girl
Summary: *will probably never be updated again, and never finished* Determined to gain control of Earth's energy, Megatron decides to kidnap the 2008 presidential candidates and try running for himself. Of course, Optimus Prime isn't going to take this lightly.
1. Chapter 1

--This story contains much swearing and some light sexual crap. This is your first and only warning. Also, this is the first public appearence of my personal TF character, Shadow. Who, of course, has little info out about her. You'll get it quick.--

**Chapter One**

_It is the year 2008. On the planet Earth, the presidential election is heating up. That is, until a terrible incident leaves both candidates and their running mates missing…_

"You're doing _what_?"

"Running for president of the United States. Since both McCain and Obama have gone 'missing'-"

"We have both of them, and their running mates, hostage," Shadow interjected, crossing her arms. "I have no idea why you're doing this. No one is going to vote for you."

"And why not?" Megatron demanded irritably.

"Humans are quickly going to replace the ones who, eh, have gone 'missing'." She shrugged. "Even if you managed to get in the race-"

"Did I ask for your opinion?!"

"No…" Shadow growled, but not relenting. "I'm just trying to tell you the humans aren't going to vote for a psychotic robot to rule their nation."

"They will once I take care of the enemy…who is it again? Obama bin Laden?"

"Osama." Shadow wanted to beat the crap out of her leader for this. "Besides, there are two wars going on. What are you going to do about that?"

"Will you stop asking me those questions!"

"She's got a point," Starscream said from behind Shadow. "You might be able to run for president, but there's no way the humans would vote for you, especially without a plan to end the problems there are right now."

"Then we kill bin Laden, pull the human troops out, and let the other countries deal with themselves! I don't care! As long as I can drain this planet dry so we can defeat the Autobots and get off this damn planet!"

That silenced the two Decepticons easily.

But as usual, Starscream wasn't about to shut up.

"Who is your running mate?" He asked, with high hopes of being the one.

"Not you, Starscream…do you honestly think I would choose the one Decepticon who has tried to kill me and take over leadership of the Decepticons?"

Starscream gaped at Megatron in surprise. "But I'm your second-"

"Will you quit fighting him?" Shadow growled at him. "You're probably his _last _choice for running mate. I wouldn't have even bothered considering you."

"Who is it then?" Starscream demanded, totally ignoring Shadow. "Is it Shockwave? Soundwave?"

"Actually…" Megatron looked to Shadow with a little smile. "It's Shadow."

"WHAT!" Shadow screamed. "Me?! Are you out of your mind?"

"That's insane!" Starscream joined in. "She of all the Decepticons…a _female_-"

"You sexist bastard!" Shadow snarled, turning on him.

"I have good reason, Starscream," Megatron bit at them, breaking up the fight. "Having a female running mate should pass well with the humans-"

"But McCain tried that, and most people actually hate Palin. And so do I."

"Why would anyone want to hate you? You're really the only Decepticon who knows human ways and you've been on Earth the longest. They'll relate to you."

"Ah, yes, a giant robot who transforms into a big winged wolf. That's something to relate to."

"You'll see what I mean once this gets going, Shadow. Trust me on this."

"Megatron, honestly, I don't see how anyone could trust you as president. Most of the humans know the Decepticons are_ bad_. Besides, I bet that an Autobot is going to be on the ballet now after they hear what we're doing. They'll blow us out of the water."

"Exactly why we have the former presidential candidates. The Autobots won't run if they don't want Obama and McCain to die."

_Damn. He's got me on that one._ "Then this will work out after all."

"Are you both blind? That has so many loopholes-"

"No one asked you, Starscream," Megatron growled.

"This isn't fair!" He whined. "I want to be a part in this election. You've been spending too much time with Shadow and not enough with me!"

Shad and Megs stared at Starscream in surprise. They hadn't been spending time together…at least, not time the other Decepticons…or the world…needed to know about.

"I don't wanna know," Shadow said. "I'll just go this way." She quickly left.

"Starscream…" Megatron barely restrained himself from strangling his bitchy second. "If you mention that again-"

"Everyone knows you too are-"

"Silence! And never speak of such things again…to anyone!"

"Why the hell would the Decepticons try to do something like that?" Spike asked Bumblebee.

"I dunno…but if you think about it…missing presidential nominees…it kinda sounds like something the Decepticons would do."

"And so you think one of them is going to try to run for president now?"

"Well, it's the perfect plan. The candidates are gone, Megatron rules America, and has one of the most powerful countries at his disposal, and he can get all the energy he wants, right?"

_Damn. He got me._ "So did you mention this to Prime yet?"

"No…"

"And _how_ long has this been going on in that little yellow head of yours?"

"Since the candidates had gone missing a few days ago…"

Spike spared telling Bumblebee that he was being stupid. "Then come on and let's go see what he thinks about it."

"What moron would vote for _Megatron_?"

"Shut up, Ironhide, no one asked you." Bumblebee grumbled. "So what do you think, Prime?"

"I think…you have a good point. This is too suspicious. If the Decepticons are behind this, Megatron might actually try to run for presidency. Which means I'll have to run against him."

"Then we'll win this easily…right?" Daniel, the ever so annoying child of Spike, asked.

"Not exactly. If the Decepticons have McCain and Obama like I think," Bumblebee said, "then this isn't going to be easy. Megatron could try any trick he wants to keep us out of the race."

"But still, wouldn't most people vote for a _nicer_ robot, or human?"

Ironhide finally butted back in. "Who knows. You humans are-"

"Will you _shut up_, Ironhide!" Prime said and jabbed him in the side.

"Ow! Prime-"

"Don't _ow, Prime_ me!" Prime stopped when he released everyone was staring at him with a confused look. "Er…"

"So whose your running mate?" Daniel asked. "Dad?"

_Slag no!_ "I haven't figured that out yet." He looked at the small group of Autobots surrounding him. Not much to choose from. Bumblebee and Ironhide. Prowl would be a good choice, though he looked preoccupied over in the corner. "Bumblebee!"

"Me? Why me?" Bumblebee asked, actually hoping he could stay out of this.

"Because…everyone loves you." That was really the only reason he needed.

"Um…can I object?"

"No!"

"Aw…"

Meanwhile, at the Decepticon base…

"Hello, Republican party headquarters? Yes, I heard your candidate has gone missing…I'd like to replace him…no, I can't? Well, you'll let me unless you all want to DIE! I mean…well, I'm better than McCain…I've had more experience anyway…yes, I like war…I'm in? Excellent!"

"He sounds like he's having a blast in there." Shadow muttered as she stood outside the command center's closed doors. Starscream, Thundercracker and Skywarp were with her. Why, she didn't know, but she knew there was little else to do right now than to eavesdrop on Megatron.

"I still think this is unfair." Starscream growled at Shadow. "Why should you get to be his running mate just because you two-"

"Why do you think Megatron and I are…doing things together?"

"Like it isn't obvious." Thundercracker said. "You two spend way too much time together."

"That doesn't mean we're…doing things."

"Right."

"And what about Megatron being in such a better mood after you two have been off together?"

"Because…"

"Or the time he told me things were over between us-" He stopped when he got stares for the other 'cons.

"Megatron wasn't…he isn't…"

No, he wasn't, but Starscream thought it was good to lie about it, just to start crap between Shadow and Megatron. That would be the best way to get back at them. "Oh, you don't know?"

"Well, I mean, everyone knows you're gay, Starscream. You were just hitting on Megatron 'cause you thought you and him were in a relationship or something right?" So much for Starscream's plan.

Thundercracker and Skywarp burst out laughing while Shadow watched smugly as Starscream blubbered on about not being gay.

"All of you, shut up! I am not gay!"

Suddenly, the doors open, and Megatron was standing before the four 'cons. "What's going on out here?" he demanded, glaring down at them.

"Oh, nothing." Shadow said.

"Tell them I'm not gay!" Starscream whined.

Megatron choked back a laugh. "Let's not get into this, Starscream."

"But…they think I'm…"

"Gay?" Skywarp suggested.

"Yes! I mean no!"

Later on, after that insanity…

"So you were able to convince the Republicans to let you be their candidate." Shadow said. "With death threats, of course."

"Do you have a better way?"

"Oh gee, I dunno, be _nice _to them?"

"Do I LOOK like I can be nice?"

"You are to me."

There was a short, stunned silence, then, "Whatever. The only problem is that they want a running mate who _isn't_ female."

"Ah, slag, you're not going to use me now?"

"You're my running mate if they like it or not."

"Okay…so…how do we go about being presidential nominees?"

"Eh…we'll figure that out after we find out what the Autobots think of the official announcement of our candidacy."


	2. Chapter 2

--If you can't tell from my name, I'm kind of (more like, very extreme) Predacon/Decepticon fan. I know people want Prime to win the election, but what fun would that be to let him have the advantage just because people like the Autobots and know the 'Cons are the bad guys? Hehe…

Also, this is bound to upset some Republican and Democrats. I myself am not registered to vote, and personally do not like either of the candidates. So, if you don't like my little satire of the candidates…just remember, it's just a story. :) --

**Chapter Two**

"In the absence of Senator John McCain, the Republican party has quickly nominated a new presidential candidate. The new candidate may be a shock to you, so we suggest you sit down before we air the following story."

"They're taking this pretty seriously," Spike said as everyone watched the news on Teletran-1's big ass screen.

"Shut up!" Bumblebee yelled louder than Spike had been talking, prompting Jazz to slug him so it'd be quiet enough for all to hear. With Bumblebee knocked out on the floor, the Autobots watched the news.

On the screen, a representative for the GOP was standing behind a podium and speaking to a large press gathering. "I know many believe that this is too soon to elect a new nominee, but our sources say that both McCain and Obama are either dead or are not going to return to the candidacy. Our new presidential candidate is…" There was a dramatic, unnecessary pause. "Megatron, leader of the Decepticons!"

"Aw, shit!" Nearly every 'bot plus Spike yelled.

Prime glared at the screen, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Like he really wanted to run for president of the US, but he had no choice. He sighed heavily as the story finished up.

"He has also announced that his running mate will be his rumored wife, Shadow-"

"I'm not his freaking lover!" Shadow yelled off-screen.

"Say that to the camera again and you'll be dead!" Megatron yelled after her.

The representative choked and then took back what he had said. "His running mate is Shadow, not his wife, not his lover, the rumors are lies! This concludes the announcement." He quickly ran off the stage and off-screen.

There was a long pause in the Autobot base as everyone took in this information.

"When did Shadow start banging Megatron?" Bumblebee asked out of nowhere as he stood up.

Everyone tried to ignore what Bumblebee had just asked. No one wanted to think about that…right now, at least.

"Looks like I have to get in touch with the Democratic party's HQ," Prime said with some disdain. He seriously wondered what sane human would vote for Megatron, but just in case, this had to be done. Four more years on Earth if he won…joy.

"Come on, Optimus," Spike said, "Having you as a president would be great."

Prime ignored Spike. "Teletran-1, contact the Democratic party HQ."

"Do I like war? Not really…I have to like war? Isn't that a little contradictory for the Democratic party? No? Eh, well…I like war. Sort of. Does that count? Yes? Good…my running mate…no, he isn't female…well, I don't have a female I can use for a running mate…why do you Democrats have to be so complicated?! Do you really want Megatron for president? …that's what I thought. Will you have me? Excellent…"

"Why did he throw us out?" Spike asked Jazz as the Autobots eavesdropped on Prime.

"Probably because we're all annoying." Cliffjumper suggested.

"Not our fault."

"Actually, it kind of was." Jazz said. "Since you were being loud, and then Bumblebee was louder…"

"But you knocked him out."

"But that made it quiet again. So I win."

"If you win, why are you out here with us?" Bumblebee asked.

"Because…I just am! And if you're Prime's running mate, why aren't you in there with him talking to the Dems?"

"Uh…because I just am!"

"You can't use my reason!"

"I just did!"

"Hey, c'mon, break it up!" Spike said. "You guys don't need to fight about stupid crap."

"What I want to know," Prowl jumped in. "Is why Bumblebee is Prime's running mate! Why use 

him, and not someone more experienced and logical than an annoying little yellow car?"

"Who asked you, Prowl?" Bumblebee yelled. "I'm his running mate because you were in the corner being weird when he couldn't figure out who to choose!"

"I was not! I was being productive!"

"Yeah right!"

"Will you all just SHUT UP!" Spike screamed.

There was silence as everyone stopped their bickering. Prowl had been just about ready to jump Bumblebee, but stopped just in time, not only at Spike's demand, but also as Prime appeared.

"I am now officially the Democratic candidate for President," Prime announced. "Bumblebee, we're heading to Washington, DC."

"Aw, do we have to go now? I was just about to beat up Prowl!" Bumblebee whined.

"Yes we have to go now!"

"Can I come?" Daniel asked.

"No!" Bumblebee said without hesitation.

Spike glared at Bumblebee. "Just because I stopped all of you from fighting doesn't mean you have to be an ass to me. Daniel and I are going along. There is _no_ way I'm staying here while you two are in DC becoming popular…er, even more popular."

"Fine…"

"Perfectly fine." Prime said. "And the two of you can ride in Bumblebee as his punishment for whining."

"What?!" Bumblebee yelled. "Why are being such an ass to me?!"

"Because…I can be."

"That's my reason!" Jazz protested.

"Enough! Let's roll out! …at least the four of us."

"How in the world does this rumor about us…being together get out to the humans?" Shadow asked after the airing of the announcement of Megatron's candidacy.

"Starscream, most likely. I have no idea what his problem is."

"He's just jealous, that's all. Jealous of all the 'time' we spend together."

"Should we be talking about this so openly in front of all these humans?"

"Eh…" Shadow looked over at the humans leaving the press conference. Being journalists, they were open to anything they heard, but right now they seemed too preoccupied with other things. However, such a rumor would be very juicy to them. "Probably not. The last thing we need is some kind of stupid scandal."

The next thing the two knew, a reporter had run over to them. Looked like he was with some big tabloid. "Mr. Tron!"

"That's MEGAtron!" Megatron growled, trying not to yell at the stupid human. If he wanted these humans to vote for him, he had to be…nice…and…_care_ about them. Somehow.

"I'm with the Super-Awesome-Everythinginthistabloidistrue Tabloid, otherwise known as the SAEITTIST, and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"

"Of course." _But if it's about Shadow and me, I'll smash you where you stand!_

"First, what motivated you to run for president?"

_Oh crap! Good reason, good reason…_ "Because humanity has failed at running this country, and only someone who isn't human can truly make it better!"

"Are you serious?" Shadow asked quietly. "That's retarded."

"I will CRUSH America's enemies and make this nation the most powerful on Earth! America will rise to greatness under my rule!"

The reporter nodded eagerly and somehow wrote down what Megs was saying while manipulating a recorder at the same time. "Now, what about the 'fact' that the Decepticons are 'evil' and that you may only be doing this for your own needs? Like, as the Autobots have told us, draining Earth of its energy and all that stuff?"

"I do it for the gain of America! This planet's energy will be used to BENEFIT it, not to destroy it! The Autobots will do whatever they can to make their enemies, the Decepticons, look like the 'bad guys', when they themselves are the real 'evil'!"

"And you say this even after the thousands of people killed and hundreds of cities destroyed by your forces?"

"A necessary evil for America's rise to power."

"Ah…" He appeared to be eating this up. Apparently, either he was stupid, or he was a gullible Republican. "Mr. Megatron, I assure you, you have my vote!"

"Excellent!"

_Holy crap, how stupid is humanity?_ Shadow wondered.

"They're dumber than they look," Megatron assured her quietly as the reporter walked away.

"I guess, considering he out of a hundred reporters was the only one to notice we were standing here the whole time."

Meanwhile…

"You know I hate you, right, Spike?"

"Bumblebee, just because…no, you know what, I'm not going to fight with you over this stupid crap. So shut up."

"Make me!"

"Both of you shut up!" Daniel said. "I don't wanna have to listen to you two fight the whole way to DC!"

"Ride with Prime if you don't want to hear it!" Bumblebee spat.

"Bumblebee, don't talk to him like that-"

"We haven't even stepped out of the base for five seconds and you're all fighting!" Prime said in disbelief. "Spike, Daniel, ride with me!"

"But-"

"I'm not going to listen to you three fighting."

"Fine…" Spike and Bumblebee gave in…somehow.

"I gotta go to the bathroom."

Spike sighed irritably. Daniel had already gone five times in the last three hours. "This is why I don't let you have soda. You drink a can in a minute and won't stop!"

"It's not my fault!"

"Prime, can you pull over at the next gas station?"

Prime was getting equally fed up with it, but he agreed. "As long you throw out that cooler, I will."

"Um…" The cooler. Right. The one Spike had dragged along for himself, but Daniel had taken advantage of it. A whole 12 pack of soda already gone, and Daniel would be working on the next if Spike hadn't yelled at Prime to slam on the brakes and make Daniel slam into the dashboard every time he went for a can. "Okay."

"Just HURRY!" Daniel whined. "I promise I won't drink more soda!"

Of course, by the time the Autobots got to DC, Daniel had somehow drank more soda, resulting in Prime being more than pissed off at the annoying human child.

Good thing Spike had relatives who were more than happy to take Daniel in for a few days.

Prime, Bumblebee and Spike arrived at the Dem party HQ in DC, tired as hell and wanting to do anything other than deal with these Democrats. Especially Prime. But as there was nothing they could do about it, they dealt with it. Unwillingly.

The Dems, of course, were absolutely welcoming to their new candidate. After all, they seemed to love any candidate who wasn't white…or, at least, loved a candidate who wasn't _human_.  
"How about a press conference?" The Dem's rep asked. "Huh? Tell everyone how you're going to smash Megatron in the polls?"

_Dear Primus, they're absolutely insane!_ "Aren't we moving a little too fast?"

"The Republicans have already announced their new candidate, so we need to catch up with them and start campaigning."

"But we're talking about Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. People love him, and they know Megatron is an evil psychopath." Bumblebee pointed out. "Why campaign?"

"Because the Republicans are crafty when it comes to masking the insanity of a candidate. They'll make Megatron look better than Prime, I guarantee it."

"Let's just get this over with." Prime muttered.

No more than fifteen minutes later, a large gathering of reporters had gathered, and the Democratic party was ready to announce its new nominee for president.

"We are proud to announce that Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, will be our new presidential nominee!"  


"What joy," Megatron muttered as he watched the broadcast. "Too bad he'll end up losing once he learns that we have the former candidates and their running mates!"

"About that," Shadow said. "They'll be dead in a few days if we don't feed them…"

"No problem." Megatron turned to Starscream, who always seemed to be _right there_ no matter what, no matter where Megatron was. He was like a leech. "Starscream!"

"Yes?"

"Tend to the humans."

Shadow snickered at this, loving how Starscream looked positively surprised.

"Tend to the humans? But…"

"Don't argue with me, Starscream."

"This is unfair! You're just doing this to get me away from you! I want attention!"

"Such a baby, Starscream," Shadow said. "You act like hanging around Megs all the time is a good thing, considering half the time he uses you for target practice."

Starscream growled, and turned away. "Fine! I'll 'tend' to the humans!"

"Kill them and you're dead!" Megatron threatened. "And make sure you actually _feed_ them too!"

"Feed them! How am I supposed to do THAT?!" Starscream yelled as he walked out of the room.

"Sometimes I wonder why I keep him around," Megatron muttered.

"Yeah, since he tries to kill you all the time and usurp leadership from you. Why you keep taking him back is a total mystery."

Megatron scowled. "Shut up."

"Mr. Prime! Can we ask a few questions?" Came from a reporter in the front row. Oh, how the Democrats had put Optimus right in front of them…

_No. Absolutely not!_ Prime was about to say something similar when Spike jumped in. "Sorry, but Optimus has had a long day and this is a bad time to start asking questions. We'll be holding another press conference here tomorrow at noon. Please see us then." Then to Optimus, "C'mon, let's get outta here!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

-- Warning (or more like caution) for this one! Joy...more Starscream gayness, and also some bashing/threats to the candidates. Yay.

Also, I really don't have much idea how politics work. Perhaps the best reason as to why I'm not registered to vote…--

"Stay cool, Prime. You'll be fine." Spike insisted.

"You're not the one answering these questions. I'm no politician."

"Just tell them what you think sounds good. The American populace is amazingly gullible."

"Are you sure?"

"Just trust me, Optimus!"

"All right…"

About ten minutes later, the Dem Party HQ was full of reporters and curious humans. Somehow, all of them and two giant robots can fit in the building. Prime looked at the cameras and wondered if he knew what he was doing. _I'm not Prime for nothing._

Of course, Megatron and Shadow weren't going to miss this. Oh no. They invaded the HQ seconds before the press conference started, barging through the closed doors and standing in the back…though that didn't make them any less obvious, considering they had broken down the doors and were giant robots.

_The bastard comes to my press conference. How nice of him_. Prime tried to ignore Megatron and Shadow, but it was hard to avoid their laughing eyes. He turned his attention back to the humans who were questioning him. He wasn't even paying attention.

"What is your reaction to Megatron's claim that, quote, the Autobots will do whatever they can to make their enemies, the Decepticons, look like the 'bad guys', when they themselves are the real 'evil'?"

"Do you humans actually believe, after all the years we've been fighting the Decepticons on Earth, that we're actually the bad guys? How many cities have been destroyed and people killed because of the Decepticons' insane attempts to obtain energy or some other item? Megatron is the most maniacal and insane being who could ever run for the presidency!"

"Optimus! Watch what you say about the other candidate!" Spike whispered and jabbed his leg…though Prime couldn't really feel it.

_That's right…damn humans and their rules!_ Prime couldn't believe he was getting stressed out already, when he usually wouldn't be. _If Megatron wasn't staring at me, I wouldn't be having as much of a problem!_ "If I am elected president, there will be no more wars, no more people dying, just PEACE!"

This prompted insane cheering from the Dems in the room. Peace, all they ever wanted. Which confused Prime…seeing that when he call the Dem party HQ, they wanted him to like war. Maybe it'd been a test or something. Prime couldn't tell, considering the Democrats were weird as it was.

"You can't be deceived by Megatron's words! All he wants is to drain Earth of all its energy!"

In the back, Shadow commented, "He really doesn't know how to make a good first appearance…which is strange since I figured he'd know how to. A good candidate shouldn't attack his opponent so soon…or as often as Prime is doing it."

"It doesn't matter. Once he finds out who we have, he'll do all he can to lose the election." Megatron said, watching Prime go on about how much Megatron 'sucked'. "Let's go. There's nothing else for us to see here."

--

"So…how do you think it went?" Prime asked Spike and Bumblebee.

"Eh…" Spike muttered.

"Um…" went Bumblebee.

"Well?!"

"You attacked Megatron way too much for the first time." Spike said honestly. "You should have held back. Also, it was a press conference, not a political debate or a speech."

"How the slag am I supposed to ignore Megatron in this?!"

"C'mon, Optimus, you should be able to handle this no problem." Bumblebee said. "You're just stressing out."

"Didn't you two see Megatron and Shadow in the back of the room?"

"I saw Shadow…" Bumblebee said dreamily.

Spike ignored the fact that Bumblebee seemed to be infatuated with Shadow. "I noticed them, but you're saying that their presence was bothering you?"

"To some extent."

"Look, Optimus, you just gotta…chill when you're talking. Forget that Megatron was watching you. Pretend like he isn't there."

"He could have attacked-"

"He's a presidential candidate, why would he do that? The GOP wouldn't even want to keep him after that." Spike raised an eyebrow. "Optimus, do you even know how to be a good candidate?"

"…no…"

"Well, that solves a lot of problems then." _Great, like I want to teach a giant robot about how to run for office._

--

Back at the Decepticon base, Starscream had returned from raiding a grocery store. _If anyone complains about me not 'tending to the humans', I'll… _Well, he'd do something. He had torn apart the store in search for as much food as he could drag back for the humans. If the humans didn't like it, that was too bad. It had to be better than starving.

After he dealt with the yelling, angry, bitchy, whiny, annoying humans, he decided he'd go see what Megatron and Shadow were up to.

Of course, they were dealing with the important things…like telling Prime that they had the former candidates hostage. Starscream refrained from saying something nasty to Megatron when he suddenly commed him and demanded that he bring the humans to him. _I just DEALT with those annoying fleshbags!_

"And try to be a little _faster_ this time, Starscream."

"I don't need to take this from you, Megatron!"

"Just shut up and bring me the humans!"

"Asshole…"

--

"Why'd we have to drive all the way back to the Ark?" Bumblebee complained.

"Because there was nowhere for two giant robots to stay in DC, that's why." Prime responded. "Do you have to complain about everything?"

"I'm not complaining-"

"You're doing it right now!"

"No, that's arguing with you that I'm not complaining."

"It's the same thing."

"No it isn't!" _Why is he being this way to me?!_

"Bumblebee…" He was cut off as Ironhide commed him.

"Teletran is picking up an incoming transmission from Megatron."

"Ignore him."

"But he's saying he has a surprise for you."

"Prime, he's your opponent. Just go see what he wants." Spike insisted as they walked through the Ark.

Prime really didn't want to. Right now, he wanted to do anything but deal with Megatron. Of course, he had no choice as it was.

Minutes later…

"What do you want now, Megatron?"

"Got a stick up your ass, Prime?" Shadow asked with a chuckle. She stood, as usual, next to Megatron, while Starscream was on the other side of Megs, surreptitiously holding something behind his back.

"Will you be quiet?" Megatron demanded. Then he turned his attention back to Optimus. "Optimus…you dared to run against me for the presidency. But…would you still run knowing that I have the former candidates hostage?"

Silence from the Autobots as Starscream proudly held up the struggling Obama and McCain.

"Fine, what do you me to do, Megatron?" Prime asked with exasperation. Megs just HAD to bring this into play and make Prime's day a thousand times worse.

"Drop out of the race or the humans die."

"Fine." No problem with him. He could already tell he didn't like human politics.

"Optimus, no!" Spike protested. "You can't let him control you-"

"I'm not going to be responsible for the former candidates' deaths!"

"Everyone thinks they're dead anyway! I told you Americans will believe whatever you tell them."

"That doesn't mean I'm going feel better about them dying." Prime turned back to the screen, and to Megatron's taunting face. "If I drop out, you let them go."

"And let them back into the race? I don't think so." Megatron said, wondering if maybe he oughta just kill the humans anyway for the hell of it.

"Then I'm staying in the race." He said reluctantly, much to the despair of the screaming candidates.

"Very well. Starscream…"

"No, lemme do it!" Shadow protested. "I wanna kill the humans!"

"No, I'm doing it!" Starscream snapped, stepping around Megs to face down Shadow.

"I'm better than you, so I get to do it. Besides, I'm not gay and Megatron likes me more."

"I am not gay! And Megatron likes ME more, he's known me longer!"

"But you're gay." Shadow insisted, knowing that was the best reason why _she _should kill the humans instead of Starscream.

"I AM NOT GAY!"

Megatron shook his head. "Well, Prime, I hope you enjoy dead humans on your doorstep." And off the transmission went.

Everyone stared at Prime.

"Are you insane, Optimus?!"

--

"Megatron! Tell Starscream that I get to kill the humans!" Shadow said as she and Starscream were both being held back by Megs. Obama and McCain were on the floor watching the Decepticons with much wonder…and confusion.

"Just because you're…" Megatron wondered how he'd say it without revealing things to Starscream. "…not gay, doesn't mean you get to kill the humans!"

"I AM NOT GAY!!" Starscream yelled. "Why do you think I am?!"

"Think about all the times you've hit on me!" Megatron said, throwing the two Decepticons away from him. He turned on Starscream. "All those times you thought we were in a relationship or something. I know you want me, Starscream!"

There was stunned silence from Starscream. He stared at Megatron with his mouth agape. "You…think that makes me…GAY?!"

"It's a little obvious." Shadow said from behind Megs. "I've seen you come on to Megatron-"

"Well…I'm not gay!"

"Prove it." Shadow dared.

"N-no! I don't have to prove myself to anyone!"

"Then you're gay, Screamer. Easy as that."

"Starscream…" Megatron had no idea what to say after watching this amusing confrontation between Shad and Stars. " How about, you kill one human, and Shadow can kill the other. Is that okay with you two?"

"I call Obama!" Starscream and Shadow said at the same time. They realized what they had done, and glared at each other.

"Dear Primus…" Megatron groaned. Nothing could ever be easy around here.

--

"All of you, just get out!"

"Maybe Shadow was right about that stick up Prime's ass," Spike commented to Bumblebee as they and a million other Autobots left the room.

"I can't believe he's going to let Megatron just kill the former candidates like that." Bumblebee said.

"Well…two human deaths compared to the entire world being enslaved and us losing to the Decepticons…what sounds better to you?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Besides, I doubt Megatron is going to kill the candidates. Everyone loves the Autobots. No one is going to vote for Megatron. So I'm guessing that Megs will keep them alive, and threaten to kill them for real if Optimus doesn't do something to intentionally lose the election."

"And you aren't telling Prime this why?" Bumblebee asked.

"Do you really think he's so stupid that he can't figure this out himself?"

--

"Kill McCain! He's a Republican! After all, he chose Palin and you hate Palin!" Starscream and Shadow were still fighting over killing Obama. Megatron had given up and was leaving the fight to Shad and Stars. He stood back and watched it play out. The other Decepticons were starting to flood in and watch the amazing fight.

"If I want to do something about Palin, I'll just kill her!" Shadow countered. She held Obama in her hand, who was freaking out, contrary to McCain, who had scooted against the wall and hadn't even been noticed.

"Come on, Shadow, let me kill him!"

"You're such a whiner. You're just angry cuz I'm better than you!"

"I am not a whiner!" Starscream whined. "Now give me Obama!"

Shadow jumped back as Starscream came at her. Obama would be smashed up in the fight if the two kept at it…much to the joy of the Decepticons and the Republicans.

"At least put me down when you fight over me!" Obama cried.

"And let Starscream take a shot at you? No way." Shadow grinned at Starscream. "Or maybe Starscream will suddenly be gay for you-"

"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT GAY!" Starscream screamed, tackling Shadow to the ground. Obama went flying, but somehow landed safely on the ground and took off over to McCain. Maybe some of his suckiness would rub off on Obama and keep him safe.

"Just cuz you're on top of me and I'm on bottom doesn't make your statement any more true." Shadow said with satisfaction, making Starscream yell once more.

"That's enough you two," Megatron finally jumped in. Starscream and Shad got up, but they were paying more attention to the humans than to anything else.

"Why don't we have Soundwave tell us who is the best one to kill Obama?" Shadow suggested with a grin, and looked over to him.

Soundwave, of course, acknowledged that, "Shadow superior, Starscream inferior."

The Decepticons that had gathered started laughing. Starscream was fuming and was doing all he could not to go crazy…on Shadow, Soundwave, Megatron, or everyone in general.

"Also, Starscream IS gay."

--

"Prime, we gotta get to DC for the political debate."

"Political debate?" Prime asked, totally lost. "What debate?"

"The one that was just announced one the radio five seconds ago that no one knew about until then."

Prime sighed. Politics sucked. "All right, Spike, get Bumblebee and we'll get going."

--

It'd been five minutes after the dramatic fight between Starscream and Shadow. Now Shadow was holding Obama, contemplating how she was going to kill him. Make it fast, or slow and torturous, just like she liked it with-

"Will you kill him already?" Megatron demanded.

"I'm thinking about how I want to kill him, thank you." Shadow retorted, eyeing Obama, who should have died from the fear factor alone. "What do you think, Megatron? Fast death, or slow and tortuous?"

"Personally, slow and torturous would be the way to go," The look he gave Shadow was a little provocative.

"Do you have to be that way when I'm around?" Soundwave asked.

Megatron was confused. "What way?"

"_That way_ I asked you not to be like when you're around Shadow."

"I don't know what you're talking about! I am in no way being suggestive to Shadow!"

"You don't have to hide it. We all know, Megatron."

"Know what?" Megatron was trying not to freak out, but it wasn't working.

Shadow smiled. "Soundwave is just taking everything the wrong way. _Right_, Soundwave?"

Soundwave turned to Shadow and said relentlessly, "If you two are not in a relationship, then why are strange sounds always coming from Megatron's quarters late at night, and how do you explain the fact that you seem to share Megatron's quarters, and do not appear to have your own?"

Shadow's jaw dropped in surprise. Megatron refrained from yelling at Soundwave. "Soundwave, if you mention that to _anyone_…"

Soundwave's blind loyalty kicked in, and he realized he should have kept his mouth shut. He turned to Megatron and said (while trying to hold back a laugh), "As you command, Megatron. By the way, did you know that there is a political debate in Washington, DC starting in a few hours?"

"What? I didn't hear anything about this!"

"It was broadcasted only five seconds ago. Most likely the fault of the parties who organized the debate. They failed to alert anyone and decided to randomly announce it as a surprise to the candidates."

"Very well…Shadow, kill Obama another day…looks like we're going back to DC."


End file.
